A Lesson Learned

I have shocked myself.  While I have been in the mindset that I wasn't ready for a relationship or having a person be a "fixture" in my life, I found someone.  Yep, after LOTS of meaningless dates I found someone I thought was easy to be around and overall the right person to spend time with and get to know more.  This was a shock to me. 

We dated for about eight weeks I guess but then I had to end things.  You may wonder why I would do this if I suspected that this was someone I wanted to share my highs and lows with.  But, that was just the problem.  I tried to show an interest in him in all things.  In fact, I was genuinely interested and loved to hear what he had to say on just about anything and we laughed a lot.  However, he never really asked about me and didn't seem to be interested in getting to know me.  He continued to want to see me here and there but I don't think he cared to get beyond the surface layer of my life.  There was never a "How was your day?" or "How are you doing?".  On top of which I told him I had had ten day stretch of hell and all he said was "this too shall pass".  Never inquiring as to what had gone on.

Now, for you men out there I should explain something.  I didn't want to be an emotional vampire to this guy and I didn't need or want all of his time and/or attention.  I just wanted some common courtesy in conversation style and to feel like on the 10th date we were getting closer than we were on the 1st date. 

It kind of felt like I was a time filler for him.  Like if he didn't have anything better going on he would fit me in.  That may not be at all what he felt was happening, it is just my perception.  He was never mean to me.  Also, when other guys have been into me they can't wait to talk to me or text me or see me.  This was not the case and I learned something about myself in all of it.  I learned that I am ready to share my life with someone if they seem to be a good fit and I would love to be included in their lives as well.  I also learned that those little forms of communicating are a HUGE deal to me and they are a need that I have.  Thoughtfulness is a big deal.

I am sorry that I don't see this guy anymore and that he didn't express more of an interest (it may have all been a miscommunication).  I have not heard from him.  However, I couldn't keep feeling like I couldn't or shouldn't share what I had inside of me.  I love to be light and fluffy but I'm not a ditz.  I have real thoughts and concerns and love to express them. I don't want a ring or a commitment or someone who fixes anything for me, I just want them to show an interest and to be there.  Overall, this was a success in that I learned what I need and that I can be open to being with someone again!  Yay!