You may have seen the movie or read the book "He's Just Not That Into You". If you did you may have thought it was hilarious like my girlfriends do. Or, you may have thought it was irritating like I did the first time around. However, wondering what fun I was missing, I gave the movie another chance this weekend.
What I love about the movie is how it shows how everyone of us sits by the phone and when someone says they will call, we believe it. Or if someone says they want to "hangout" we think they mean in the near future. Dating signals and games are so confusing!!!
I also love how the movie shows the wife who knows her husband is lying about something and she is almost crazed by it. At first you think she is just a few sandwiches short of a picnic but any wife who knows that feeling inside that you are being lied to will know EXACTLY what she feels. Being lied to or having your intelligence underestimated is a horrific and scarring issue.
What caught me especially funny this weekend was that just after watching that movie I was talking to my mom about a man who hasn't called me but says he will. She says that he is probably just intimated or doesn't have the confidence. The movie instantly shoots into my mind about all the women consoling each other with such words when the fact is: if he wants to go out with you, he will make it happen.
Men may have confidence issues or maybe they do feel intimated but so do we and yet women will take it upon themselves to seek out a man. This is a hang up of mine. If you don't make him do the chasing, you will not view him as masculine for long. You will always wonder if he wants you or if you landed in his lap and he is dealing with it. I, for one, need to know that I was sought after and that I hold a place that no one else fills. Who doesn't want to feel that?
Bottom line if a man reads this: If you want her you better make it happen because if she does the work you are doomed. She will not respect you. She will say that all is well but in the back of her mind she wishes you would be a real MAN and take charge. And if she is always in charge you have too many issues to cover in a blog post.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
The Booty Call
Months ago I met up with a guy I met online. He lived just a few blocks from my house and I kept it very platonic despite his boasting about his sex life and many love affairs (which I had to hear all about on the first meeting). Here and there this guy texts me and I am always kind as it is a small world and I have no reason to be mean.
After a long while of not hearing from this guy at all I got a text last week at 11:30 at night. I was staying at a family members home and we had a houseful of people. We were having a great time. This guy invited himself over and my response was that it was not my home so I couldn't possibly make the invitation. Then he asked me to leave the party and go to where he and his buddy were drinking.
This was so funny to me on so many levels. First off, I am the mother of four. I am all about being a mom. No, I am not dead, my sex drive is revved up. :) But, who calls the single mother of four for a booty call in the middle of the night? I am not the mom that has someone she can leave her kids with while she goes around having one night stands. He knew this was not my style and he knew he was going to end up rejected. When I told my family member who this guy was hanging out with that night I was told to run far away. There are some people that you just don't want to become associated with.
This may make me sound like a prude or rude person. In fact I am not. I think I am a great catch for someone at some point. I am not actively searching for anyone right now because I don't want anyone. I don't want a relationship. I guess that I can be honest and say that I just want to do my own thing, I want to focus on having some good times, keeping my kids close and taking a step back from relationship drama.
What truly amazes me and makes me chuckle is that if I did sleep with this guy I would probably never hear from him again because the men I seem to attract want a "newer and better" something all the time. But, because I won't even entertain the thought of him, he keeps coming back. Kills me. It just makes no sense.
After a long while of not hearing from this guy at all I got a text last week at 11:30 at night. I was staying at a family members home and we had a houseful of people. We were having a great time. This guy invited himself over and my response was that it was not my home so I couldn't possibly make the invitation. Then he asked me to leave the party and go to where he and his buddy were drinking.
This was so funny to me on so many levels. First off, I am the mother of four. I am all about being a mom. No, I am not dead, my sex drive is revved up. :) But, who calls the single mother of four for a booty call in the middle of the night? I am not the mom that has someone she can leave her kids with while she goes around having one night stands. He knew this was not my style and he knew he was going to end up rejected. When I told my family member who this guy was hanging out with that night I was told to run far away. There are some people that you just don't want to become associated with.
This may make me sound like a prude or rude person. In fact I am not. I think I am a great catch for someone at some point. I am not actively searching for anyone right now because I don't want anyone. I don't want a relationship. I guess that I can be honest and say that I just want to do my own thing, I want to focus on having some good times, keeping my kids close and taking a step back from relationship drama.
What truly amazes me and makes me chuckle is that if I did sleep with this guy I would probably never hear from him again because the men I seem to attract want a "newer and better" something all the time. But, because I won't even entertain the thought of him, he keeps coming back. Kills me. It just makes no sense.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Dating Vacation
The online dating scene did not do it for me and I eventually cancelled all accounts. Why? Because it was making me angry and cynical and I am not normally either! I am usually almost delusionally optimistic and have all the hope in the world.
Guys my age seem to have (in general) a few things in common: they are all going through some mid life garbage to which I say grow up and get over it, it isn't about you. They are wanting a fun time and to not have to be responsible in every way (not just a court appointed way) for the kids they already brought into the world before bringing new people into their lives. They want women who will put kids second to them at all costs. I am not impressed. Worst of all they do not want to be held accountable to anyone for anything.
Because of this cynical attitude and the people in my life making some decisions that I can't wrap my head around, I guess the dating world can wait for me. Because the right man would be what is best for me, my kids and my ex because we were a family first and will always have to work together on some level. And likewise, I would be what would better his situation. Yes, there would be trials on both sides, but I want to choose someone where the path has less challenges or at least more pros than cons. Most of all, my kids are not in a place to be messed with right now. They are doing so good. How could I call myself a good mother if for my own selfish gain I threw a wrench into their path despite knowing what it would do to them.
I want them to see that there is a time and a place for dating. This is not my time because they are not ready. I know them and it won't be long before they can handle it but it needs to be handled with care. It isn't about me anymore, it is about them. And I have to go to sleep knowing I did my best by them.
In the meantime, I will write about some odd and quirky situations I know of from friends and family who are dating.
Guys my age seem to have (in general) a few things in common: they are all going through some mid life garbage to which I say grow up and get over it, it isn't about you. They are wanting a fun time and to not have to be responsible in every way (not just a court appointed way) for the kids they already brought into the world before bringing new people into their lives. They want women who will put kids second to them at all costs. I am not impressed. Worst of all they do not want to be held accountable to anyone for anything.
Because of this cynical attitude and the people in my life making some decisions that I can't wrap my head around, I guess the dating world can wait for me. Because the right man would be what is best for me, my kids and my ex because we were a family first and will always have to work together on some level. And likewise, I would be what would better his situation. Yes, there would be trials on both sides, but I want to choose someone where the path has less challenges or at least more pros than cons. Most of all, my kids are not in a place to be messed with right now. They are doing so good. How could I call myself a good mother if for my own selfish gain I threw a wrench into their path despite knowing what it would do to them.
I want them to see that there is a time and a place for dating. This is not my time because they are not ready. I know them and it won't be long before they can handle it but it needs to be handled with care. It isn't about me anymore, it is about them. And I have to go to sleep knowing I did my best by them.
In the meantime, I will write about some odd and quirky situations I know of from friends and family who are dating.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Texting Drama
A guy who seemed very kind from the start was emailing me through a dating site. I replied and we spent a few weeks chatting back and forth. Finally we exchanged numbers for texting.
He is out of town a few days a week because he works for an airline and travels. Because he has his children all the time he wanted to do things together right from the start that included kids. I am not willing to make my kids jump in with strangers right from the start. It isn't them that should have to date someone or the whole family. But I respected the fact that this man didn't want to be away from his kids, at least he took fatherhood responsibilities seriously.
He had eluded to having me over one night but it was in hindsight, not in advance. I asked him in all reality how he ever intended to date someone with how his schedule is and with his children? My point was, I am someone who needs to get out of my house because I don't travel for a living so how does that fit with his life. He came back with asking if I thought that was a deal breaker and I said yes, that I didn't know how if situations are wrong people can put real effort into something impossible.
The guy proceeded to get rude like I was just writing him off. And I just had to say that I was being real and that I wasn't the kind of mom that would ask a dad to be away from his kids when he didn't feel good about it. I don't want that kind of resentment. So he says that his partner would get to travel with him. I had to remind him that I have four young kids and I don't leave them for days on end with others to care for. He got a bit angry.
Finally he spills it that he is retiring from the airline industry in fall, owns half a business here in town and is building a home in an affluent part of our community. I expressed that my previous conclusion had been calculated based on what he had told me before. That I couldn't possibly have known to ask someone around 40 if they were retiring soon and if someone has a house you don't normally out of the blue ask if they are building a new one. And you don't typically pull out of your hat that someone is an owner of a business. These are things that have to be said to someone, not guessed. He got very furious about my "assumptions".
So much for having a heart and just trying to not be a player who just wastes the time of other people. I thought I was being unselfish and caring to just let him know that I had needs and he does too and the two didn't seem to mesh. It wasn't personal really, just what is best for kids and individuals.
Haven't heard from him since. I guess that while I was trying to put my best forward I got to see his ugly side. But what I really couldn't believe was how he wanted to argue like we were already a couple and we had only chatted over email and text. It should not be so much drama right out of the gates.
This leads me to all men who say they want "no drama". Would you all please get a life. There is drama in life. Much of which you bring on and we clean up. If you don't want drama - don't create it.
He is out of town a few days a week because he works for an airline and travels. Because he has his children all the time he wanted to do things together right from the start that included kids. I am not willing to make my kids jump in with strangers right from the start. It isn't them that should have to date someone or the whole family. But I respected the fact that this man didn't want to be away from his kids, at least he took fatherhood responsibilities seriously.
He had eluded to having me over one night but it was in hindsight, not in advance. I asked him in all reality how he ever intended to date someone with how his schedule is and with his children? My point was, I am someone who needs to get out of my house because I don't travel for a living so how does that fit with his life. He came back with asking if I thought that was a deal breaker and I said yes, that I didn't know how if situations are wrong people can put real effort into something impossible.
The guy proceeded to get rude like I was just writing him off. And I just had to say that I was being real and that I wasn't the kind of mom that would ask a dad to be away from his kids when he didn't feel good about it. I don't want that kind of resentment. So he says that his partner would get to travel with him. I had to remind him that I have four young kids and I don't leave them for days on end with others to care for. He got a bit angry.
Finally he spills it that he is retiring from the airline industry in fall, owns half a business here in town and is building a home in an affluent part of our community. I expressed that my previous conclusion had been calculated based on what he had told me before. That I couldn't possibly have known to ask someone around 40 if they were retiring soon and if someone has a house you don't normally out of the blue ask if they are building a new one. And you don't typically pull out of your hat that someone is an owner of a business. These are things that have to be said to someone, not guessed. He got very furious about my "assumptions".
So much for having a heart and just trying to not be a player who just wastes the time of other people. I thought I was being unselfish and caring to just let him know that I had needs and he does too and the two didn't seem to mesh. It wasn't personal really, just what is best for kids and individuals.
Haven't heard from him since. I guess that while I was trying to put my best forward I got to see his ugly side. But what I really couldn't believe was how he wanted to argue like we were already a couple and we had only chatted over email and text. It should not be so much drama right out of the gates.
This leads me to all men who say they want "no drama". Would you all please get a life. There is drama in life. Much of which you bring on and we clean up. If you don't want drama - don't create it.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Light Bulb Moment
Last night was painful. I was chatting along when someone who seemed smart and kind messaged me. So, like a fool I gave them my IM address on Yahoo!. The conversation has been so painful that I can hardly see straight. It has actually caused me to be crabby.
You may be asking why I don't just shut this person down and block them. Well, because I am evidently a bleeding heart schmuck! This guy lost his wife a few years ago and has three little kids.
First, my profile has four photos of me. In my opinion this is progress for me. It took a lot to put that many photos up. Right away this guys ways "well that ain't much". But, I have only seen 4 of him and am supposed to think he hung the moon. And no, he is not attractive to me.
Second, he is depressed. He says he came to the penpal site looking for a romantic partner (as in he wants to be married yesterday). He says he came "lonely, angry and much more". He wanted to know if I was looking for something "real and meaningful".
I just have to say that the "real and meaningful" things tend to come at you in life when you least expect it. He should know this. But after some awkward conversation he was calling me "Love". That irks me because only one person has referred to me as "Love" and I pretty much got dumped there so not a good sign. I think this guy is willing to attach himself to anything that will hold still.
On a lighter note. I had this wonderful island man from New York that I was chatting with. He is charming and smart. He asked if I like chocolate. So, I gave this big dissertation on how I can keep one candy bar going for about a month because I am good after one bite. Haven't always been like this but it works for me now. He died laughing and said "I meant do you like chocolate men?" I about died. So now, he is named Chocolate and oddly calls me his white chocolate. How delightfully sappy. lol
You may be asking why I don't just shut this person down and block them. Well, because I am evidently a bleeding heart schmuck! This guy lost his wife a few years ago and has three little kids.
First, my profile has four photos of me. In my opinion this is progress for me. It took a lot to put that many photos up. Right away this guys ways "well that ain't much". But, I have only seen 4 of him and am supposed to think he hung the moon. And no, he is not attractive to me.
Second, he is depressed. He says he came to the penpal site looking for a romantic partner (as in he wants to be married yesterday). He says he came "lonely, angry and much more". He wanted to know if I was looking for something "real and meaningful".
I just have to say that the "real and meaningful" things tend to come at you in life when you least expect it. He should know this. But after some awkward conversation he was calling me "Love". That irks me because only one person has referred to me as "Love" and I pretty much got dumped there so not a good sign. I think this guy is willing to attach himself to anything that will hold still.
On a lighter note. I had this wonderful island man from New York that I was chatting with. He is charming and smart. He asked if I like chocolate. So, I gave this big dissertation on how I can keep one candy bar going for about a month because I am good after one bite. Haven't always been like this but it works for me now. He died laughing and said "I meant do you like chocolate men?" I about died. So now, he is named Chocolate and oddly calls me his white chocolate. How delightfully sappy. lol
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Small Small World
You never realize just how small the world is until you try online dating. Or, maybe just go to your local WalMart. :)
I went back to Plentyoffish.com and signed up yet again. I do not use my name or my photo so there is some anonymity. I need this because I am a mom and as I may have stated before, I don't need all the weirdo's in my area pointing me out at local events.
First email I get on POF seems nice enough but his username makes me think of someone my ex-husband used to work with. I never really knew the guy but I knew of him. If I recall his now ex-wife is a complete nut! And this is not just because this guy describes her as one, I believe she was so nuts she lost custody of her daughter. Just to be sure, I emailed the picture to my ex and sure enough it is the same guy!!! Oh goody!
Anyway, knowing that this guy is not the most stable individual (although kind enough), and that I would have to deal with an ex wife from Hell made it clear that we cannot even email back and forth.
I went back to Plentyoffish.com and signed up yet again. I do not use my name or my photo so there is some anonymity. I need this because I am a mom and as I may have stated before, I don't need all the weirdo's in my area pointing me out at local events.
First email I get on POF seems nice enough but his username makes me think of someone my ex-husband used to work with. I never really knew the guy but I knew of him. If I recall his now ex-wife is a complete nut! And this is not just because this guy describes her as one, I believe she was so nuts she lost custody of her daughter. Just to be sure, I emailed the picture to my ex and sure enough it is the same guy!!! Oh goody!
Anyway, knowing that this guy is not the most stable individual (although kind enough), and that I would have to deal with an ex wife from Hell made it clear that we cannot even email back and forth.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Porn
I hate having to explain to so many people that I really am not a supermodel and I am not in the porn industry. Today I have sounded like a broken record.
To be clear - some whackadoo from Pakistan (no offense to the country, I'm sure you are all great, except this nut), without sending a message to say "hi" or anything else just starts with "Do you have MSN, Yahoo or other message program and a webcam?"
Are you kidding me? Really? How unnatural would that be. I can just see me and Pakiwhakadoo on a video chat session. Me saying "HUH?" at every turn and feeling like I am on a bad episode of Outsourced. And I can imagine him being the peeping tom type until I stand up, show him the size of what was my middle section and is now my middle island with its own zip code. Then I see him running away from the camera. Instead I had to tell him he was in fact a whackadoo and had to block him. He gave me that stupid pouty emoticon which any man on earth knows is the least masculine thing you can send a woman. Ew!!!
Completely different note: I used to think that I was not good at Geography. If you don't believe me ask the ex. It has been embarrassing! However, I am now VERY globally selective. I just can't bring myself to think of eating curry daily and as much as I love rice, not every day. Yes, there is a reason I am sitting alone at night writing this. :)
To be clear - some whackadoo from Pakistan (no offense to the country, I'm sure you are all great, except this nut), without sending a message to say "hi" or anything else just starts with "Do you have MSN, Yahoo or other message program and a webcam?"
Are you kidding me? Really? How unnatural would that be. I can just see me and Pakiwhakadoo on a video chat session. Me saying "HUH?" at every turn and feeling like I am on a bad episode of Outsourced. And I can imagine him being the peeping tom type until I stand up, show him the size of what was my middle section and is now my middle island with its own zip code. Then I see him running away from the camera. Instead I had to tell him he was in fact a whackadoo and had to block him. He gave me that stupid pouty emoticon which any man on earth knows is the least masculine thing you can send a woman. Ew!!!
Completely different note: I used to think that I was not good at Geography. If you don't believe me ask the ex. It has been embarrassing! However, I am now VERY globally selective. I just can't bring myself to think of eating curry daily and as much as I love rice, not every day. Yes, there is a reason I am sitting alone at night writing this. :)
Back In The Online Saddle
Oh yes, cyber stalkers, beware, I am back in business. :) I am now on two different internet "penpal" sites. The dating sites scare me. Why? I guess because my butt is too big right now and I don't want to have to go on dates. I don't have date clothes and if I finally get a chance to go out to dinner I want to eat heartily, not like some dainty thing that can't put down a full plate of food. I'm gonna work on the extra tonage but until it is in check, we are sticking to yoga clothes and "penpals".
Within minutes of signing up on one site some kids asks me "Do you like seks?" I about died laughing. I replied that "when spelled correctly I think it is great!" All I got back was a question mark.
If there is a looney or idiotic guy online - I can attract him. Like fly paper - that's me. I stand proud tonight knowing that if I remember correctly I love "seks" and sometime in the future I would like more of it. :)
Within minutes of signing up on one site some kids asks me "Do you like seks?" I about died laughing. I replied that "when spelled correctly I think it is great!" All I got back was a question mark.
If there is a looney or idiotic guy online - I can attract him. Like fly paper - that's me. I stand proud tonight knowing that if I remember correctly I love "seks" and sometime in the future I would like more of it. :)
The Ex Husband
As a disclaimer, my ex knows about this blog and reads it periodically so no one can say I am talking about him behind his back. :)
The ex was in town for two weeks and leaves today. I am sad for my kids. I am happy for him as I am sure that after dealing with me for two weeks, he is ready for a few days alone in a car.
It is hard when you are used to just doing everything on your own with your kids to have someone else around. Not just an ex, anyone would bug you. It would seem like it should be help but it is actually quite painful. Help should not be so painful in my opinion.
I will say that every time he leaves I go through an odd thing. It is like self doubt. I ask myself questions. Can I get the house back on track? Can I really do all of this myself? It is just bizarre and only lasts a few days but it is like temporary insanity. I know what I can do and what I am capable of so why do I doubt? I guess that for the first while he is here I don't let my guard down and then once I realize he will at least keep them alive, I relax a little and it is nice to let your guard down but anxiety rises knowing that you have to get on guard again just as soon as he walks out the door. It is a roller coaster.
I did do some interesting and dumb online adventuring that I will post about later. All this relaxing and spare time has let to some funny stuff!
The ex was in town for two weeks and leaves today. I am sad for my kids. I am happy for him as I am sure that after dealing with me for two weeks, he is ready for a few days alone in a car.
It is hard when you are used to just doing everything on your own with your kids to have someone else around. Not just an ex, anyone would bug you. It would seem like it should be help but it is actually quite painful. Help should not be so painful in my opinion.
I will say that every time he leaves I go through an odd thing. It is like self doubt. I ask myself questions. Can I get the house back on track? Can I really do all of this myself? It is just bizarre and only lasts a few days but it is like temporary insanity. I know what I can do and what I am capable of so why do I doubt? I guess that for the first while he is here I don't let my guard down and then once I realize he will at least keep them alive, I relax a little and it is nice to let your guard down but anxiety rises knowing that you have to get on guard again just as soon as he walks out the door. It is a roller coaster.
I did do some interesting and dumb online adventuring that I will post about later. All this relaxing and spare time has let to some funny stuff!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Yawn!
I suppose that being single can't be all fun and games but it should be a bit more interesting than this! I will say that I have been uber productive while this everlasting dry spell has been going on. So much to do, so little time.
For a couple of months (three tops), I was texting back and forth with someone I had done some work with. We have not met face to face and I was completely honest that for several months, that would be how my life works. So, we just kept texting. He let it be known that he had fallen hard and I couldn't return the sentiment and feel okay inside. I like him, but without meeting and taking things slow, I can't say I have fallen for anyone. On top of which, he was jealous even over texting (I am not a fan of jealousy) and he was very negative toward my religion. I don't care if someone doesn't believe as I do but be kind and respectful. I don't care how others believe if it isn't hurting me!
All of a sudden, no word from this "friend". I don't understand people. If someone falls "so hard" for you, then where are they? Shouldn't they still be there for you or with you in whatever way possible. No, I didn't expect him to wait around forever but he gave me the classic line that we would always be friends. And I am just a slow learner because I believed him! Awesome! I know that not everyone stays in your life forever, or even for long but people need to watch what they say. Say what you mean, mean what you say! Don't say you have fallen if you are ready to bail any second.
On a lighter note, there is someone in my life who has a relationship that is constantly like a shampoo bottle instructions: "shampoo, rinse, repeat"! Their label would read "get together, fight, make up, repeat". In this particular case there are children involved so I am perplexed. I suppose to each his own but that trap of breaking up and getting back together again is not something I have enjoyed in previous relationships nor do I want to repeat it.
For a couple of months (three tops), I was texting back and forth with someone I had done some work with. We have not met face to face and I was completely honest that for several months, that would be how my life works. So, we just kept texting. He let it be known that he had fallen hard and I couldn't return the sentiment and feel okay inside. I like him, but without meeting and taking things slow, I can't say I have fallen for anyone. On top of which, he was jealous even over texting (I am not a fan of jealousy) and he was very negative toward my religion. I don't care if someone doesn't believe as I do but be kind and respectful. I don't care how others believe if it isn't hurting me!
All of a sudden, no word from this "friend". I don't understand people. If someone falls "so hard" for you, then where are they? Shouldn't they still be there for you or with you in whatever way possible. No, I didn't expect him to wait around forever but he gave me the classic line that we would always be friends. And I am just a slow learner because I believed him! Awesome! I know that not everyone stays in your life forever, or even for long but people need to watch what they say. Say what you mean, mean what you say! Don't say you have fallen if you are ready to bail any second.
On a lighter note, there is someone in my life who has a relationship that is constantly like a shampoo bottle instructions: "shampoo, rinse, repeat"! Their label would read "get together, fight, make up, repeat". In this particular case there are children involved so I am perplexed. I suppose to each his own but that trap of breaking up and getting back together again is not something I have enjoyed in previous relationships nor do I want to repeat it.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Raining Men - Kinda
Some believe that things happen in threes. Who knows? And here is hoping that they happen more often.
First, I'm at WalMart early one morning and a man asks me out. He mentioned dinner and a movie and I said "no thank you". I don't know why, suppose it was habit. And it could have been that although he was very nice and fun to talk to, I wasn't really attracted to him physically. I know that isn't everything, but it is something. I ended up giving him my number. That was a week ago, no phone call. Not a good thing but then again, I was gonna have to say no to him so perhaps I got off the hook easily.
Second, I finally broke down and hired a handyman to come do some things for me around the house that I couldn't do for Moi! The normal handyman was not available but sent his very friendly right hand man instead. And he came with a wonderful dog. But even though he is somewhat charming, single, employed and obviously handy, there was not any physical attraction. What I can say is that he wears Dickies brand pants like Mike Rowe - but he is not Mike Rowe. :) All women know what I mean!
Third, the sprinkler man came over. He doubles as a masseur. You would think that this would be excellent but somehow it doesn't do it for me despite the fact that he is very handsome and fun to talk to. He is going to help my lawn and rose bushes though, so he gets kudos.
That's it, one week, three men. And here I sit happy as can be.
First, I'm at WalMart early one morning and a man asks me out. He mentioned dinner and a movie and I said "no thank you". I don't know why, suppose it was habit. And it could have been that although he was very nice and fun to talk to, I wasn't really attracted to him physically. I know that isn't everything, but it is something. I ended up giving him my number. That was a week ago, no phone call. Not a good thing but then again, I was gonna have to say no to him so perhaps I got off the hook easily.
Second, I finally broke down and hired a handyman to come do some things for me around the house that I couldn't do for Moi! The normal handyman was not available but sent his very friendly right hand man instead. And he came with a wonderful dog. But even though he is somewhat charming, single, employed and obviously handy, there was not any physical attraction. What I can say is that he wears Dickies brand pants like Mike Rowe - but he is not Mike Rowe. :) All women know what I mean!
Third, the sprinkler man came over. He doubles as a masseur. You would think that this would be excellent but somehow it doesn't do it for me despite the fact that he is very handsome and fun to talk to. He is going to help my lawn and rose bushes though, so he gets kudos.
That's it, one week, three men. And here I sit happy as can be.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Crude = Bad
I am a total NINNY! I make no bones about it. Not a fan of rated R movies, crude humor, most stand up comedy (because of crude humor), rap music with explicit lyrics, etc. You get the idea. I tell this to guys I chat with up front and without fail they all promise to treat me like a lady. They all explain that I am a lady and that it is a wonderful thing and they will treat me accordingly. Yeah, right. When pigs fly.
I guess it is a matter of judgement but I am finding that few guys have good judgement. The guy I have been talking to non-stop for days now zinged me with an Eddie Murphy reference yesterday. Naturally the whole conversation got started with hot tubs. Now, I know that all men love hot tubs. This is not a secret. But women, don't we all know why they like them? Yep, because they think that the hot tub will lead to something physical for them. I am a fan of hot tubs when alone in the hot tub with the ability to enjoy it with no pressure. Yes, there is a reason I am single.
There is a point to my ranting. Men, drop the dirty innuendos. Drop the crude stuff and don't make dirty references. What you don't get is that you might be funny for one moment but in the long run it makes us feel cheap, not special. Try to pretend that you don't have your minds in the gutter all the time.
I'm sure some of you think about something other than sex. I don't. I think about sex all the time, it is a great thing and I want more of it. But, I don't want it with someone who it disgusting in his own mind. So, clean up your brain and then let's get busy. :)
I guess it is a matter of judgement but I am finding that few guys have good judgement. The guy I have been talking to non-stop for days now zinged me with an Eddie Murphy reference yesterday. Naturally the whole conversation got started with hot tubs. Now, I know that all men love hot tubs. This is not a secret. But women, don't we all know why they like them? Yep, because they think that the hot tub will lead to something physical for them. I am a fan of hot tubs when alone in the hot tub with the ability to enjoy it with no pressure. Yes, there is a reason I am single.
There is a point to my ranting. Men, drop the dirty innuendos. Drop the crude stuff and don't make dirty references. What you don't get is that you might be funny for one moment but in the long run it makes us feel cheap, not special. Try to pretend that you don't have your minds in the gutter all the time.
I'm sure some of you think about something other than sex. I don't. I think about sex all the time, it is a great thing and I want more of it. But, I don't want it with someone who it disgusting in his own mind. So, clean up your brain and then let's get busy. :)
Monday, January 31, 2011
Why Haven't I Heard From You?
Last week I had an email from a guy named "Steve". However his email comes from a "George" so I am a bit confused. We hit it off, as much as you can through email. He showed interest for about 48 hours and I thought things were going great. Then the wretched crickets creep in . . . I heard nothing.
Today, I get a one line email without punctuation that says "haven't heard from you in a while". Well, that's right. Because I am a lady and am not going to email you first. Yes, I am that ancient and old fashioned at heart. In whatever relationship I fall into next, the guy is doing the pursuing. So, men, if you want my attention, then "show up" and let me know you are thinking about you. Don't be so lame as to think I will fall right into your lap because I am that desperate, because I'm NOT!
Have a happy Monday!!! :)
Sunday, January 30, 2011
I simply don't know how to say some things.
I am rarely at a loss for words but oh boy, I am so perplexed. Here is the story:
Last Wednesday I initiate contact with a guy on POF. He writes back, and there are "sparks". We do a lot of the same work, have a lot of similar hobbies. He has heard of the tiny town I grew up in and neither of us want to eat seafood. I think this is all good. We "chat" on Gmail chat (typing only) as we work for the next two days. Then on Saturday we decide to video chat. He does not live far from me but I am very private. So, seeing as I'm not going out with him soon, video chat was the next best thing.
A few things struck me odd. First, he hardly knows about Skype even though he was in a long distance relationship for a year and his kids live far from him. Why would a man not video with 1)the girlfriend, and 2) his children? Go figure.
Being the Scrooge of dating, I was in my yoga clothes and cuddled up (ugly single mom style) on the couch for this blessed event. Then we connect. Yes, I had seen his picture before and yes, he had seen mine. I thought he was a decent looking guy and he was very nice about my photos as well. But I have to say, there was no physical attraction. Which is just as well but kind of a let down. Maybe the camera just doesn't do him justice or whatever. I felt like I was in a zoo exhibit being watched. I have done a lot of Skype time in my life and you need to do something interactive or anything other than a good game of "stare eyes".
I like to communicate with this person and it is flattering to be liked and complimented but did he feel something I didn't? Is it possible that there could be attraction if we met in person even if we don't have it over video? I just don't know. I'm so out of my realm with the dating stuff that I just can't make sense of it. And yes, since not feeling what I thought I would feel, I am . . . speechless.
Last Wednesday I initiate contact with a guy on POF. He writes back, and there are "sparks". We do a lot of the same work, have a lot of similar hobbies. He has heard of the tiny town I grew up in and neither of us want to eat seafood. I think this is all good. We "chat" on Gmail chat (typing only) as we work for the next two days. Then on Saturday we decide to video chat. He does not live far from me but I am very private. So, seeing as I'm not going out with him soon, video chat was the next best thing.
Being the Scrooge of dating, I was in my yoga clothes and cuddled up (ugly single mom style) on the couch for this blessed event. Then we connect. Yes, I had seen his picture before and yes, he had seen mine. I thought he was a decent looking guy and he was very nice about my photos as well. But I have to say, there was no physical attraction. Which is just as well but kind of a let down. Maybe the camera just doesn't do him justice or whatever. I felt like I was in a zoo exhibit being watched. I have done a lot of Skype time in my life and you need to do something interactive or anything other than a good game of "stare eyes".
I like to communicate with this person and it is flattering to be liked and complimented but did he feel something I didn't? Is it possible that there could be attraction if we met in person even if we don't have it over video? I just don't know. I'm so out of my realm with the dating stuff that I just can't make sense of it. And yes, since not feeling what I thought I would feel, I am . . . speechless.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Kebiyar
Well, I think his name is Kebiyar. But let me just say that he is irritating. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate other cultures but some are just not my cup of tea. This guy is a real prize. . . for someone, just not me.
Kebiyar wrote an email to me that was so long and full of very in depth information about himself that I was overwhelmed. I replied with about two sentences and then got this:
Hello Angie
Don't mistake me Angie, I am also like you, scribbling some thing, especially for the sake of acting for school children. ( One act plays ). I was very active in dramatics ( acting ) few years back and I won several prizes including University Best actor.
Oh.... Angie, I did not introduce myself.
My name is K.B.*********** (KBR-kebiyar). I am working in I***** R******* as Senior Section Officer, I deal with HR matters. I am open minded, gentle, honest, humorous, optimistic caring, flexible funny and willing to share my feelings, ideas and thinking with like minded people. I LOVE reading,
writing, nature, traveling, movies, meeting different people, photography
and music especially semi classic. I am interested in psychology,
literature, philosophy, science, counselling, HR and OB.
I am of medium height ( 5ft 6inches ) and weight (73kg), with black hair and black eyes..
Do you agree with this? ( Robert Frost )
the woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep
Whatever happened in the past is for good only
Whatever is happening in the present is for good only
Whatever will happen in the future is also for good only ( Bhagavat Geetha)
Don’t you agree that positive outlook towards life gives us HOPE,ENERGY AND RESOURCES for our future endeavors ?
HAPPY TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN
With Warm regards
kebiyar
I did not answer this as I don't know how to graciously put a halt to communication. Since then he has emailed twice in quite a pathetic way asking if he offended me. I'm sure he is a nice guy, I just can't bring myself to email him back. It's no wonder I am single! :)
Kebiyar wrote an email to me that was so long and full of very in depth information about himself that I was overwhelmed. I replied with about two sentences and then got this:
Hello Angie
Don't mistake me Angie, I am also like you, scribbling some thing, especially for the sake of acting for school children. ( One act plays ). I was very active in dramatics ( acting ) few years back and I won several prizes including University Best actor.
Oh.... Angie, I did not introduce myself.
My name is K.B.*********** (KBR-kebiyar). I am working in I***** R******* as Senior Section Officer, I deal with HR matters. I am open minded, gentle, honest, humorous, optimistic caring, flexible funny and willing to share my feelings, ideas and thinking with like minded people. I LOVE reading,
writing, nature, traveling, movies, meeting different people, photography
and music especially semi classic. I am interested in psychology,
literature, philosophy, science, counselling, HR and OB.
I am of medium height ( 5ft 6inches ) and weight (73kg), with black hair and black eyes..
Do you agree with this? ( Robert Frost )
the woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep
Whatever happened in the past is for good only
Whatever is happening in the present is for good only
Whatever will happen in the future is also for good only ( Bhagavat Geetha)
Don’t you agree that positive outlook towards life gives us HOPE,ENERGY AND RESOURCES for our future endeavors ?
HAPPY TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN
With Warm regards
kebiyar
I did not answer this as I don't know how to graciously put a halt to communication. Since then he has emailed twice in quite a pathetic way asking if he offended me. I'm sure he is a nice guy, I just can't bring myself to email him back. It's no wonder I am single! :)
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Oh man, oh man, oh man . . .
I'm not quite convinced there is a man out there for me but I'm having a good time browsing. :) Well, that is, when it isn't really painful.
I will say that in the midst of all this my new gf in Florida gave me a call today and we were having the greatest chat when my stupid phone died. But, even if she is the one good thing that comes of all of this, it has been worth it! Thank heavens for good girlfriends!!!
Today, I had three different strangers try to start an IM session with me while I was checking messages on Plenty of Fish. Why would anyone want to IM with someone they have not even exchanged a few emails with? Am I missing something? And then when I reject their IM request, they don't continue to email.
Dear Men, if you really want our attention then don't be full of dead ends. If we don't want to IM, maybe try email. Don't just give up! Duh! That doesn't mean to be a creepy stalker who can't take a hint but I think most women think it is sexy and masculine if you don't give up easily and know how to woo us even if it is online. If a girl says that she wants to email and get to know each other for a few months before meeting face to face but you just disappear after that, we know that you were after a piece of ***. And that's great if that is really what you are but I am not so sure that most of you know the impression you give.
Also, my beloved men, don't nag about pictures. Honestly, a picture lasts a long time. I get that you are visual, so are we. We want all things to be aesthetically pleasing, including you, but notice that few of us are nagging you about photos every few hours. Take what you can get, be complimentary and PATIENT!
Okay - enough nagging at the men! :) Here is a good story for you. A man nags about a photo, I email him one. I didn't think it was the ugliest photo of me but I was in ugly pajamas because I was laid up with a broken bone for a few weeks and my kids were playing with the camera and snapped the pic. So without explaining everything I sent the photo with a brief explanation that I was laid up - nothing more. The guy writes back that it "took a strong person to send that, it is obvious you were very ill". Well, he felt sheepish when I thanked him but said that I only had a broken rib. Good grief. He could have just lied and said "nice pic". But I'm "a strong person" who sent that! lol
Same guy asked me to be friends with him on Facebook. So I did (in a momentary lapse of reason) and imagine my surprise when he had about 100 mutual friends with my ex. Small world. He is also affiliated with a person caught up in a huge multi million dollar scandal and I just don't need that kind of drama. So, I de-friended him and let him know that it isn't personal but really, it is, I was just being courteous by lying even though he doesn't not understand the concept.
Here's to another fine day in cyber land!
P.S. Jerk from NY sent me a message this morning to give me a weather update. He wanted me to wish him luck in his blizzard conditions in NY. I wanted to tell him to lick a flag pole but I decided to just ignore him.
I will say that in the midst of all this my new gf in Florida gave me a call today and we were having the greatest chat when my stupid phone died. But, even if she is the one good thing that comes of all of this, it has been worth it! Thank heavens for good girlfriends!!!
Today, I had three different strangers try to start an IM session with me while I was checking messages on Plenty of Fish. Why would anyone want to IM with someone they have not even exchanged a few emails with? Am I missing something? And then when I reject their IM request, they don't continue to email.
Dear Men, if you really want our attention then don't be full of dead ends. If we don't want to IM, maybe try email. Don't just give up! Duh! That doesn't mean to be a creepy stalker who can't take a hint but I think most women think it is sexy and masculine if you don't give up easily and know how to woo us even if it is online. If a girl says that she wants to email and get to know each other for a few months before meeting face to face but you just disappear after that, we know that you were after a piece of ***. And that's great if that is really what you are but I am not so sure that most of you know the impression you give.
Also, my beloved men, don't nag about pictures. Honestly, a picture lasts a long time. I get that you are visual, so are we. We want all things to be aesthetically pleasing, including you, but notice that few of us are nagging you about photos every few hours. Take what you can get, be complimentary and PATIENT!
Okay - enough nagging at the men! :) Here is a good story for you. A man nags about a photo, I email him one. I didn't think it was the ugliest photo of me but I was in ugly pajamas because I was laid up with a broken bone for a few weeks and my kids were playing with the camera and snapped the pic. So without explaining everything I sent the photo with a brief explanation that I was laid up - nothing more. The guy writes back that it "took a strong person to send that, it is obvious you were very ill". Well, he felt sheepish when I thanked him but said that I only had a broken rib. Good grief. He could have just lied and said "nice pic". But I'm "a strong person" who sent that! lol
Same guy asked me to be friends with him on Facebook. So I did (in a momentary lapse of reason) and imagine my surprise when he had about 100 mutual friends with my ex. Small world. He is also affiliated with a person caught up in a huge multi million dollar scandal and I just don't need that kind of drama. So, I de-friended him and let him know that it isn't personal but really, it is, I was just being courteous by lying even though he doesn't not understand the concept.
Here's to another fine day in cyber land!
P.S. Jerk from NY sent me a message this morning to give me a weather update. He wanted me to wish him luck in his blizzard conditions in NY. I wanted to tell him to lick a flag pole but I decided to just ignore him.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Oh, I Got No Work Done! But . . .
So, I found some interesting people to chat with today which I loved. One was an awesome lady in Florida who is also a mom. Even though she is married she felt my grief with the men you meet on "pen pal" sites and the like. I am not sure that men grasp the concept of pen pals. Seems to me they want to meet up in person as fast as possible.
I am listed in my area on PlentyofFish.com. I don't know why I signed up on there as I don't really want to date someone right now. But we'll leave it there a bit and see how it goes. What I know is that the men do not take much care when doing their profiles and posting photos. Almost all the men have photos but they all fall into a few definitions:
1. Taken by a cell phone camera (which in this day and age I suppose is okay if you got a clear picture)
2. If they have decent abs, they will flaunt them. They leave nothing to the imagination. Women who show that much skin in a profile picture are called a lot of unflattering words but men I guess are special and we should just make them feel good about their abs.
3. If they have tattoos they feel the need to show them all. I don't know that there is anything left to discover of some of these men as far as their bodies go. They leave nothing hidden.
4. If they are on Craigslist you need to be VERY careful, you will get a photo of something you never wanted to see and good luck finding the tree for the forest on the one I ran into. I mean has that person never heard of manscaping? EW!
As for profiles - men are not great with words. Not only that but they obviously cannot spell and they don't even care about uppercase letters. I suppose the shift key takes to much work to operate so why bother. :)
All men want someone fun, adventurous, casual, independent, happy and "NO DRAMA". I am so sick of these requests that I could cry. I must say that the men I know are much more dramatic than the women in my life. Few are fun, few are adventurous, all are far too casual, none are independent (they all still need a mommy) and they claim to be happy but one has to wonder how much happiness you can feel if you have no command of the English language. :)
I know, I am cranky and middle aged and a bit scorned but good grief men. You want a good looking package on your arm but we want the same and we want you to have a brain and be considerate enough to our intelligence to put your best foot forward. Pretty please? I'm almost afraid to hear how any of you eat. The thought is frightening to me.
Okay, enough gripes. I am quite content with my days prospects of pen pals and maybe even a date or two down the line.
I am listed in my area on PlentyofFish.com. I don't know why I signed up on there as I don't really want to date someone right now. But we'll leave it there a bit and see how it goes. What I know is that the men do not take much care when doing their profiles and posting photos. Almost all the men have photos but they all fall into a few definitions:
1. Taken by a cell phone camera (which in this day and age I suppose is okay if you got a clear picture)
2. If they have decent abs, they will flaunt them. They leave nothing to the imagination. Women who show that much skin in a profile picture are called a lot of unflattering words but men I guess are special and we should just make them feel good about their abs.
3. If they have tattoos they feel the need to show them all. I don't know that there is anything left to discover of some of these men as far as their bodies go. They leave nothing hidden.
4. If they are on Craigslist you need to be VERY careful, you will get a photo of something you never wanted to see and good luck finding the tree for the forest on the one I ran into. I mean has that person never heard of manscaping? EW!
As for profiles - men are not great with words. Not only that but they obviously cannot spell and they don't even care about uppercase letters. I suppose the shift key takes to much work to operate so why bother. :)
All men want someone fun, adventurous, casual, independent, happy and "NO DRAMA". I am so sick of these requests that I could cry. I must say that the men I know are much more dramatic than the women in my life. Few are fun, few are adventurous, all are far too casual, none are independent (they all still need a mommy) and they claim to be happy but one has to wonder how much happiness you can feel if you have no command of the English language. :)
I know, I am cranky and middle aged and a bit scorned but good grief men. You want a good looking package on your arm but we want the same and we want you to have a brain and be considerate enough to our intelligence to put your best foot forward. Pretty please? I'm almost afraid to hear how any of you eat. The thought is frightening to me.
Okay, enough gripes. I am quite content with my days prospects of pen pals and maybe even a date or two down the line.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Once Upon a Time
Once upon a time a girl found herself single at the age of 37. This girl is me! I have four kids and am not really ready to date face to face but love meeting people online and chatting. The four kids take up the majority of my time and to be honest my self confidence is not 100% after a broken marriage and a relationship after that landed me dumped and feeling horrific. :)
I have been on one dating site lately and one "penpal" site. The people I find are okay but there is always a funny twist. For example, a guy last night in our first conversation asked me for my pant size. This was a first for me. I told him my pant size just assuming it was a harmless question but later I asked him what that was about and he admitted to wanting to know "if you had a cute butt". Well, I assured him I did not have a cute butt. My backside is not huge but I am not in perfect shape and even when I am, my rear is not my best feature. I will say that this question and the stupidity behind it is probably due to his 25 short years here on Earth. Perhaps he could have been told that size does not matter. lol I have girlfriends with a bigger pant size and fantastic butts. And I know girls with the same size as me with horrible and saggy butts. Life experience surely matters.
Then night before last I meet a man in New York who is highly educated, professional, divorced and has kids in college - none at home. I think to myself that on paper this guy has it all for me. So he asks me to chat later in the evening. I tell him that I can "type" chat or email and that is great. He kept asking me if I had webcam and stuff. He just didn't get that I wasn't going to video chat but finally it sunk in. We type chatted for only a few minutes. He started to inquire of my ex-husband and if he ever saw his kids. I said that my ex had been in town for three weeks over the holidays and stayed at my house during that time. Dead silence. Can you hear the crickets? Dead silence. So, assuming he was a judgemental and unaccepting idiot, I signed off.
We shall see what happens in the wide world of online chatting/dating tonight and I will keep you posted and perhaps you may even get a few chuckles. People are crazy.
I have been on one dating site lately and one "penpal" site. The people I find are okay but there is always a funny twist. For example, a guy last night in our first conversation asked me for my pant size. This was a first for me. I told him my pant size just assuming it was a harmless question but later I asked him what that was about and he admitted to wanting to know "if you had a cute butt". Well, I assured him I did not have a cute butt. My backside is not huge but I am not in perfect shape and even when I am, my rear is not my best feature. I will say that this question and the stupidity behind it is probably due to his 25 short years here on Earth. Perhaps he could have been told that size does not matter. lol I have girlfriends with a bigger pant size and fantastic butts. And I know girls with the same size as me with horrible and saggy butts. Life experience surely matters.
Then night before last I meet a man in New York who is highly educated, professional, divorced and has kids in college - none at home. I think to myself that on paper this guy has it all for me. So he asks me to chat later in the evening. I tell him that I can "type" chat or email and that is great. He kept asking me if I had webcam and stuff. He just didn't get that I wasn't going to video chat but finally it sunk in. We type chatted for only a few minutes. He started to inquire of my ex-husband and if he ever saw his kids. I said that my ex had been in town for three weeks over the holidays and stayed at my house during that time. Dead silence. Can you hear the crickets? Dead silence. So, assuming he was a judgemental and unaccepting idiot, I signed off.
We shall see what happens in the wide world of online chatting/dating tonight and I will keep you posted and perhaps you may even get a few chuckles. People are crazy.
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