Dating Idiot

Disclaimer:  This is not about one person so if you know me and read this and think it is all about you - it isn't. :)  

Yep, that's me. . . the Dating Idiot.  I like to date just fine.  I think most people are interesting and generally I am up for meeting someone new and seeing where it might lead.  As time goes by I have tried to be more open to new people.

Here is where it gets lost.  I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I say what I think and I mean it.  I am not subtle and I have no need for mind games.  I try with everything in me to be kind and considerate.  I fail at times but it isn't out of mean spiritedness, it is because I am human and blunder.  I have been naive enough to think that everyone means well and that everyone is just kind and considerate.  Needless to say, I have had some rude awakenings.

I am picky and have some funky quirks, I am the first to hand out the long list I have of those!  I have a good sense of how I want to be treated but my mind runs into trouble.  I know what is ideal but I want to be kind and fair so there are times where I will make excuses for someones poor behavior or inconsiderate behavior.  I guess I want with everything in me to think that people are good and kind and that I have tried on my end to be open to them.  The trouble is, I don't know when to pull the plug on things in certain situations.

If a guy is dating me and is actually into me then I usually know it because he is attentive.  He will text, call or email just because.  Not too much but enough that you know you are on his mind (not like a stalker).  I like this form of communication because it is free, fast, sweet and efficient.  What could be better?  But if a guy thinks that a few texts means that you have a "relationship" I get worried.

Then there are guys who will ask you out here and there but you don't hear from them in between.  You try to flirt harmlessly here and there via text and it gets no response.  I know, there are those of you who think "well then, drop him, he's just not that into you".  But then why does he ask you out even if there isn't anything in it for him other than your company?  I don't like confusion and these mixed messages make me confused and then I am frustrated.  Not so much at the person but at the situation and at myself for not having better radar on things.

Then there are the guys that call or want to "hang out" but it is only if they don't get any BETTER offers.  They won't commit to so much as a dinner time.  They won't tell you yes or no to plans in advance.  They wait until the last minute and I guess this means that if we are interested we are supposed to be like a call girl - always ready for them.  This is where I come off as the grandma of the bunch.  I am not a hang out buddy, a make out buddy or a f*** buddy.  Never have been and never well be.  It just isn't me and if other people want to do it then fine but I can't.  I actually tried this and tried to be all modern about it and all it did was make me bitter . . . at myself. :)  When people mean something to you, whether friends, family or romantic connections, don't you think it is flattering to know that they will set other things aside and just be with you?  That you are worth the time, the commitment and the effort?  To me, this is the highest of flattery.  You don't need to buy me expensive gifts (not gonna lie, those are nice at times) and I don't need every moment you have but make me feel special.  I know that this form of dating is going by the wayside and that is pretty sad.  Now we have several generations of people who are always waiting for something better to come along and entertain them and in the end the divorce rate will drop because people will quit getting married altogether.  If you can't commit to dinner, you probably can't commit to much.

I guess at the end of the day I want an old fashioned guy who can have real conversations and doesn't shy away from talk of where things are going or what his interest level is.  It doesn't have to mean things are rushed and I am in no means anxious to be married again or to live with anyone.  I am anxious to make my family and friends feel more special instead of making them feel like they will do because I didn't get a better offer.  And in the end, I do want someone who I can feel free to show thoughtful gestures to without them running and who will be thoughtful and kind in return.  You would think a lot of people would want your thoughtfulness but some would rather have a one night stand with something without a brain because it is more "fun".

This got way too long!  Just wish me luck in finding someone who I can be thoughtful of and who will appreciate it instead of running from it!

Being Discreet

There is someone in my life who has been suffering from a lack of discretion in their personal life.  It isn't that I mind hearing about their encounters with people but there is a point where it goes into information overload. 

What happened to the days of being discreet?  When you slept with someone before being fully committed to each other and both parties just kept it quiet.  When no one had to brag to their friends so as to cheapen what happened even more. 

No matter what anyone thinks, the minute you have casual sex, on a woman's side of things - they feel cheaper than before. They think:  I swore I wasn't going to do this.  Or they think they are weak or just plain slutty.  Woman may deny that this is how they feel but their behavior doesn't lie.  We put on a brave face and we LIE. 

I like sex.  I'm one of it's biggest fans!  But I know that what you do in the bedroom (or wherever) and the details of things relating to it need to stay locked in the vault of your mind.  People will talk about you and it won't be in a favorable way.  And men, who are you kidding?  When you brag about being with a girl most of us think you are lying.  You guys are great but you all think you are better in bed than you think and you think that people believe the stories you tell.  You look ridiculous!  And yet, we still want to date you.  Hmmmmm.  It is perplexing. 

Bottom line:  If you can't keep your pants zipped perhaps you could zip your mouth. 

Merry Merry

First of all, Happy Holidays!

This holiday was an odd one.  I'm so happy for some of the people in my life because their lives are moving forward and they are truly happy.  My heart breaks for a few because of their relationships and the break ups and mix ups that happen in "love".

My wish for the New Year is that my sweet mom opens up her heart and at least tries to date.  This may seem like a small task for some but for her it will be a lot of work.  She is so sweet and has so much to offer so I hope she can do it!  It is the furthest thing from her mind so I need to get planting the seed in her brain.  Perhaps I will try to play matchmaker for her.

Another wish I have is that me and a few people I know can be open to finding someone to share our lives with.  This could mean marriage, or not.  It could mean finding a true friend in someone new.

I hope your days are filled with sunshine even when you are in the freak show that dating can be.  :)