Light Bulb Moment

Last night was painful.  I was chatting along when someone who seemed smart and kind messaged me.  So, like a fool I gave them my IM address on Yahoo!.  The conversation has been so painful that I can hardly see straight.  It has actually caused me to be crabby.

You may be asking why I don't just shut this person down and block them.  Well, because I am evidently a bleeding heart schmuck!  This guy lost his wife a few years ago and has three little kids. 

First, my profile has four photos of me.  In my opinion this is progress for me.  It took a lot to put that many photos up.  Right away this guys ways "well that ain't much".  But, I have only seen 4 of him and am supposed to think he hung the moon.  And no, he is not attractive to me. 

Second, he is depressed.  He says he came to the penpal site looking for a romantic partner (as in he wants to be married yesterday).  He says he came "lonely, angry and much more".  He wanted to know if I was looking for something "real and meaningful".

I just have to say that the "real and meaningful" things tend to come at you in life when you least expect it.  He should know this.  But after some awkward conversation he was calling me "Love".  That irks me because only one person has referred to me as "Love" and I pretty much got dumped there so not a good sign.  I think this guy is willing to attach himself to anything that will hold still. 

On a lighter note.  I had this wonderful island man from New York that I was chatting with.  He is charming and smart.  He asked if I like chocolate.  So, I gave this big dissertation on how I can keep one candy bar going for about a month because I am good after one bite.  Haven't always been like this but it works for me now.  He died laughing and said "I meant do you like chocolate men?"  I about died.   So now, he is named Chocolate and oddly calls me his white chocolate.  How delightfully sappy.  lol

Small Small World

You never realize just how small the world is until you try online dating.  Or, maybe just go to your local WalMart.  :)

I went back to Plentyoffish.com and signed up yet again.  I do not use my name or my photo so there is some anonymity.  I need this because I am a mom and as I may have stated before, I don't need all the weirdo's in my area pointing me out at local events. 

First email I get on POF seems nice enough but his username makes me think of someone my ex-husband used to work with.  I never really knew the guy but I knew of him.  If I recall his now ex-wife is a complete nut!  And this is not just because this guy describes her as one, I believe she was so nuts she lost custody of her daughter.  Just to be sure, I emailed the picture to my ex and sure enough it is the same guy!!!  Oh goody!

Anyway, knowing that this guy is not the most stable individual (although kind enough), and that I would have to deal with an ex wife from Hell made it clear that we cannot even email back and forth. 

Porn

I hate having to explain to so many people that I really am not a supermodel and I am not in the porn industry.  Today I have sounded like a broken record.

To be clear - some whackadoo from Pakistan (no offense to the country, I'm sure you are all great, except this nut), without sending a message to say "hi" or anything else just starts with "Do you have MSN, Yahoo or other message program and a webcam?" 

Are you kidding me?  Really?  How unnatural would that be.  I can just see me and Pakiwhakadoo on a video chat session.  Me saying "HUH?" at every turn and feeling like I am on a bad episode of Outsourced.  And I can imagine him being the peeping tom type until I stand up, show him the size of what was my middle section and is now my middle island with its own zip code.  Then I see him running away from the camera.  Instead I had to tell him he was in fact a whackadoo and had to block him.  He gave me that stupid pouty emoticon which any man on earth knows is the least masculine thing you can send a woman.  Ew!!!

Completely different note:  I used to think that I was not good at Geography.  If you don't believe me ask the ex.  It has been embarrassing!  However, I am now VERY globally selective.  I just can't bring myself to think of eating curry daily and as much as I love rice, not every day.  Yes, there is a reason I am sitting alone at night writing this.  :)

Back In The Online Saddle

Oh yes, cyber stalkers, beware, I am back in business.  :)  I am now on two different internet "penpal" sites.  The dating sites scare me.  Why?  I guess because my butt is too big right now and I don't want to have to go on dates.  I don't have date clothes and if I finally get a chance to go out to dinner I want to eat heartily, not like some dainty thing that can't put down a full plate of food.  I'm gonna work on the extra tonage but until it is in check, we are sticking to yoga clothes and "penpals".

Within minutes of signing up on one site some kids asks me "Do you like seks?"  I about died laughing.  I replied that "when spelled correctly I think it is great!"  All I got back was a question mark. 

If there is a looney or idiotic guy online - I can attract him.  Like fly paper - that's me.  I stand proud tonight knowing that if I remember correctly I love "seks" and sometime in the future I would like more of it.  :)

The Ex Husband

As a disclaimer, my ex knows about this blog and reads it periodically so no one can say I am talking about him behind his back.  :) 

The ex was in town for two weeks and leaves today.  I am sad for my kids.  I am happy for him as I am sure that after dealing with me for two weeks, he is ready for a few days alone in a car. 

It is hard when you are used to just doing everything on your own with your kids to have someone else around.  Not just an ex, anyone would bug you.  It would seem like it should be help but it is actually quite painful.  Help should not be so painful in my opinion.

I will say that every time he leaves I go through an odd thing.  It is like self doubt.  I ask myself questions.  Can I get the house back on track?  Can I really do all of this myself?  It is just bizarre and only lasts a few days but it is like temporary insanity.  I know what I can do and what I am capable of so why do I doubt?  I guess that for the first while he is here I don't let my guard down and then once I realize he will at least keep them alive, I relax a little and it is nice to let your guard down but anxiety rises knowing that you have to get on guard again just as soon as he walks out the door.  It is a roller coaster.

I did do some interesting and dumb online adventuring that I will post about later.  All this relaxing and spare time has let to some funny stuff!