I have a horoscope application on my iPhone. I love it, it is my little tidbit of fun each day and I never take it too seriously but when it is right on, I am a little shocked. It says some interesting stuff for today concerning my love life.
Then, for fun I was on MSN.com and clicked on their horoscope link. I had already read one horoscope on the app and was just curious to see if they were at all similar. Imagine my surprise when I find that my horoscope for today is completely blank. Oh yeah, that was awesome! This has been such a stupid month with such stupid stress and issues that it is kind of fitting for this last and extra day to just be blank. Because in my mind I am completely done with February and ready to move on with March.
It isn't that I am complaining (not completely). Plenty of good things happened in February if I get down to listing them. There were just so many big whammies! I have felt like I was on the Press Your Luck game show and it just kept beating me down. ;) So, onward and upward! March: Here I come!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Assumptions are EVIL!
Most of us make assumptions everyday on a number of issues and/or about people. Sometimes we assume the worst about them or we believe hearsay which is never a good idea. Other times we will give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that all people are good. I tend to error on this side of things and have found that there has to be a happy middle ground.
What is bothersome in a relationship is that you are most likely not thinking the same thing. Men and women are wired completely different in the brain. It has been my experience that it is hard to find a woman who thinks the way I do most of the time and this can be a problem even in friendships. It isn't to say that either party is right or wrong. No matter you relationship, everyone has the right to their opinions. However, you can't really come to an informed opinion if you haven't heard the other person's side.
I read a book about Emotional Intelligence. It was fascinating even though it was very long. One thought that has stuck with me is that when we communicate, it is important to ask questions for the sake of seeking true understanding of the other person. That we need to truly listen - not just calculate what we are going to say next or even calculate if we are going to respond. Have you ever spoken to someone in earnest and had them just sit and look at you unresponsively? It is a very lonely place to be. It would be awesome if both parties would just ask smart question that were to find understanding of the other person and the situation. Imagine the issues that would just work out if people could stay calm and truly care about the other persons perception for just a while and then to have it reciprocated. It would be ideal and problems would work out without resentment.
What is bothersome in a relationship is that you are most likely not thinking the same thing. Men and women are wired completely different in the brain. It has been my experience that it is hard to find a woman who thinks the way I do most of the time and this can be a problem even in friendships. It isn't to say that either party is right or wrong. No matter you relationship, everyone has the right to their opinions. However, you can't really come to an informed opinion if you haven't heard the other person's side.
I read a book about Emotional Intelligence. It was fascinating even though it was very long. One thought that has stuck with me is that when we communicate, it is important to ask questions for the sake of seeking true understanding of the other person. That we need to truly listen - not just calculate what we are going to say next or even calculate if we are going to respond. Have you ever spoken to someone in earnest and had them just sit and look at you unresponsively? It is a very lonely place to be. It would be awesome if both parties would just ask smart question that were to find understanding of the other person and the situation. Imagine the issues that would just work out if people could stay calm and truly care about the other persons perception for just a while and then to have it reciprocated. It would be ideal and problems would work out without resentment.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Signs He's Not Into You
This may sting a little (or a lot) but it is true. There are some sure signs when someone is into you and when they aren't. Don't keep trying to convince yourself that he is into you if all signs are telling you that he isn't. Don't worry - he isn't the last man that will ever come calling.
Signs that he's not into you:
1. He does publicly show affection but is all over you in private. If he is afraid of other people's opinions to this degree then he doesn't care about you enough. Move on.
2. You are at his house a lot but nothing there belongs to you OR you are never at his home. This is all a matter of him letting you into his life. If you are in his home a lot and don't even keep a toothbrush there then you have a serious problem. Likewise, if he has a home and you are never invited or don't feel welcome to drop by, be afraid.
3. If his computer, phone or chat messages are always hidden or he shuts them all down when you are around then there is a problem. This is either a sign that he has other women on the line or that he doesn't trust you with even tiny things. Most likely it is a sign of a player and you need to get out.
4. He goes to events and to group things and you are not invited. If he isn't trying to make you part of his life and doesn't welcome your company then he isn't into you enough to keep him around. If you are not included in his social life outside of your one on one dates then you are a side note, otherwise known as an option. You aren't important enough to him for him to make you part of his circle of friends, family or work life.
5. He doesn't like to commit to a plan. If he is always waiting until the last minute to firm things up, you need a knew partner. This isn't just for dates. If he can't invite you to anything solid that is more than seven days out on the calendar then he doesn't see you as part of his future. If this is a problem early on in your dating you should know that it will not get better even after marriage. It will just hurt you more.
6. He doesn't even pretend to like your pet. Some people are pet people and some are not. That's fine but if you have pets or children and he can't even put on party manners then he is not for you.
7. If you are talking and he is looking at other women. I like to people watch more than anyone but if someone is talking to you, they deserve your attention.
8. He takes forever to return calls, emails or text messages. First of all, no one should be left hanging out there when it comes to communication but this is more true in dating than at any other time. In this day and age of smart phones and computers and tablets being everywhere, if he was into you, he would be answering in a very timely manner. Since texting is the most non-committal form of communication and he can't even do that - you need to run. If he says he just isn't a big texter then he shouldn't have a text plan on his cell phone. People text now, that's just life. If you are on his priority list, then he will text back in a quick manner. With that said, he should be calling you to make date plans or to have major conversations. Texting doesn't cover everything. And you should not be initiating all the communication. He should be anxious to talk with you!
9. He won't leave the room without taking his phone. This is a bad sign on a million levels. Really, if you need clarification you need counseling.
10. You always end up at his place and never yours or the other way around. There should be give and take here no matter what your situation is.
Signs that he's not into you:
1. He does publicly show affection but is all over you in private. If he is afraid of other people's opinions to this degree then he doesn't care about you enough. Move on.
2. You are at his house a lot but nothing there belongs to you OR you are never at his home. This is all a matter of him letting you into his life. If you are in his home a lot and don't even keep a toothbrush there then you have a serious problem. Likewise, if he has a home and you are never invited or don't feel welcome to drop by, be afraid.
3. If his computer, phone or chat messages are always hidden or he shuts them all down when you are around then there is a problem. This is either a sign that he has other women on the line or that he doesn't trust you with even tiny things. Most likely it is a sign of a player and you need to get out.
4. He goes to events and to group things and you are not invited. If he isn't trying to make you part of his life and doesn't welcome your company then he isn't into you enough to keep him around. If you are not included in his social life outside of your one on one dates then you are a side note, otherwise known as an option. You aren't important enough to him for him to make you part of his circle of friends, family or work life.
5. He doesn't like to commit to a plan. If he is always waiting until the last minute to firm things up, you need a knew partner. This isn't just for dates. If he can't invite you to anything solid that is more than seven days out on the calendar then he doesn't see you as part of his future. If this is a problem early on in your dating you should know that it will not get better even after marriage. It will just hurt you more.
6. He doesn't even pretend to like your pet. Some people are pet people and some are not. That's fine but if you have pets or children and he can't even put on party manners then he is not for you.
7. If you are talking and he is looking at other women. I like to people watch more than anyone but if someone is talking to you, they deserve your attention.
8. He takes forever to return calls, emails or text messages. First of all, no one should be left hanging out there when it comes to communication but this is more true in dating than at any other time. In this day and age of smart phones and computers and tablets being everywhere, if he was into you, he would be answering in a very timely manner. Since texting is the most non-committal form of communication and he can't even do that - you need to run. If he says he just isn't a big texter then he shouldn't have a text plan on his cell phone. People text now, that's just life. If you are on his priority list, then he will text back in a quick manner. With that said, he should be calling you to make date plans or to have major conversations. Texting doesn't cover everything. And you should not be initiating all the communication. He should be anxious to talk with you!
9. He won't leave the room without taking his phone. This is a bad sign on a million levels. Really, if you need clarification you need counseling.
10. You always end up at his place and never yours or the other way around. There should be give and take here no matter what your situation is.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Ladies: You Are NOT An Option
I wish I could get this point through to myself, my girlfriends and every woman out there. If a guys doesn't treat you like the main event but makes you feel like a last resort option then you must move on. You deserve better. However, if you are going to accept being treated as an option by anyone in your life then you send a big message (that is not attractive) that you do not respect yourself enough to take a stand and be treated better.
How do you know if he is treating you like an option?
1. You don't have plans in advance. That's right - if you are important to him you will know what day and time to expect your date several days in advance. This is only polite as a man should expect that you have a life too and need to make a game plan for your time. Spontaneity is great but most of the time, expect respect.
2. He only wants to see you late at night. If his idea of dating always starts after 8 pm then you are a booty call option. That or he uses you just to stroke his ego here and there. Ya, it's okay to go to dinner at 8 pm at times but there should be more than that if he wants to get to know you. Especially if he is someone who can't stay up late unless sex is involved.
3. He says that he isn't ready to commit and just wants to keep things casual. This mean that not only are you an option but that he most likely has commitment issues. Don't get sucked in. It is okay in the very beginning to want to keep it cool and slow but after a month or two of dating he knows and so do you.
4. You make sure you are available in case he calls. Haven't we all done this with the intention of making someone feel like they are a priority to us. But what we are actually saying is that we will be treated like garbage and don't expect more. Don't wait for his call. Either he makes it happen or not but you need to keep living.
5. If there is anything that makes you feel rejected and you stick around for more - you are acting like an option. If he isn't respectful of you in every way and you continue to go out when it is good for him, then you are and will always be an option. That is, until you act like the main event. The basis of a good relationship is balance. It can't always be on his terms.
This is not by any means all inclusive but it does cover some good points. We all have people in our lives who are all about themselves and who only contact us or want to get together when it is good and convenient for them. But, real friends and people who care know that you deserve better. If you are always left in doubt and wondering if you will hear from him or if he likes you then you need to be clear and honest and move on. Expect more for yourself and it will come!
How do you know if he is treating you like an option?
1. You don't have plans in advance. That's right - if you are important to him you will know what day and time to expect your date several days in advance. This is only polite as a man should expect that you have a life too and need to make a game plan for your time. Spontaneity is great but most of the time, expect respect.
2. He only wants to see you late at night. If his idea of dating always starts after 8 pm then you are a booty call option. That or he uses you just to stroke his ego here and there. Ya, it's okay to go to dinner at 8 pm at times but there should be more than that if he wants to get to know you. Especially if he is someone who can't stay up late unless sex is involved.
3. He says that he isn't ready to commit and just wants to keep things casual. This mean that not only are you an option but that he most likely has commitment issues. Don't get sucked in. It is okay in the very beginning to want to keep it cool and slow but after a month or two of dating he knows and so do you.
4. You make sure you are available in case he calls. Haven't we all done this with the intention of making someone feel like they are a priority to us. But what we are actually saying is that we will be treated like garbage and don't expect more. Don't wait for his call. Either he makes it happen or not but you need to keep living.
5. If there is anything that makes you feel rejected and you stick around for more - you are acting like an option. If he isn't respectful of you in every way and you continue to go out when it is good for him, then you are and will always be an option. That is, until you act like the main event. The basis of a good relationship is balance. It can't always be on his terms.
This is not by any means all inclusive but it does cover some good points. We all have people in our lives who are all about themselves and who only contact us or want to get together when it is good and convenient for them. But, real friends and people who care know that you deserve better. If you are always left in doubt and wondering if you will hear from him or if he likes you then you need to be clear and honest and move on. Expect more for yourself and it will come!
Lunches
I go on a lot of lunch dates. I guess I feel like this is convenient for most, has a time limit and is less pressure for everyone. I don't like lunch dates all the time though. This falls under the category of "things I want him to know without me having to say it". This is a long listed category. I did find a link to a list of 50 things women say they want without having to tell men. Most of it is true but some of it is plain stupidity. However, it is all interesting and entertaining. Enjoy!
Click Here!!!
Click Here!!!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Man Repellent
Well, before tonight I thought I was the only one who thought I wore a scent called "Man Repellent". :) But then I thought I would Google it and I found this and loved it! I don't wear any of these things so perhaps I am not completely a lost cause! Are you?
—Related forms
man·re·pell·er1 [mahn-ree-peller]
–noun
outfitting oneself in a sartorially offensive way that will result in repelling members of the opposite sex. Such garments include but are not limited to harem pants, boyfriend jeans, overalls (see: human repelling), shoulder pads, full length jumpsuits, jewelry that resembles violent weaponry and clogs.
–verb (used without object),-pell·ing, -pell·ed.
to commit the act of repelling men:
Girl 1: What are you wearing to the party?
Girl 2: My sweet lime green drop crotch utility pants!
Girl 1: Oh, so we're man repelling tonight?
*DISCLAIMER: the above conversation is not a dramatization, took place in this room 5 minutes ago.
Origin:
2009-10; < repellius (ptp. of repellia to eliminate male attention), equiv. to L repel- (s. of repellix) unattractive, celibate, paris fashion week, M.C. Hammer + -repel -ler1
2009-10; < repellius (ptp. of repellia to eliminate male attention), equiv. to L repel- (s. of repellix) unattractive, celibate, paris fashion week, M.C. Hammer + -repel -ler1
—Related forms
man·re·pell·ant, noun
*found on manrepeller.com
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Some Great Stuff
What looks do men love? This segment from ABC is a bit slow and drags a bit but it is interesting because it is proof that men just like women - that says it all. Click here to find out!
Do you have a knack for picking guys who aren't into real relationships? There are 10 signs listed here that will tell you whether or not you are headed for disaster.
Wonder what is on a man's "must have" list? Find out here!
More to come so check back often. Next time we will delve into what women want as well as some warning signs for guys!
Do you have a knack for picking guys who aren't into real relationships? There are 10 signs listed here that will tell you whether or not you are headed for disaster.
Wonder what is on a man's "must have" list? Find out here!
More to come so check back often. Next time we will delve into what women want as well as some warning signs for guys!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
A Lesson Learned
I have shocked myself. While I have been in the mindset that I wasn't ready for a relationship or having a person be a "fixture" in my life, I found someone. Yep, after LOTS of meaningless dates I found someone I thought was easy to be around and overall the right person to spend time with and get to know more. This was a shock to me.
We dated for about eight weeks I guess but then I had to end things. You may wonder why I would do this if I suspected that this was someone I wanted to share my highs and lows with. But, that was just the problem. I tried to show an interest in him in all things. In fact, I was genuinely interested and loved to hear what he had to say on just about anything and we laughed a lot. However, he never really asked about me and didn't seem to be interested in getting to know me. He continued to want to see me here and there but I don't think he cared to get beyond the surface layer of my life. There was never a "How was your day?" or "How are you doing?". On top of which I told him I had had ten day stretch of hell and all he said was "this too shall pass". Never inquiring as to what had gone on.
Now, for you men out there I should explain something. I didn't want to be an emotional vampire to this guy and I didn't need or want all of his time and/or attention. I just wanted some common courtesy in conversation style and to feel like on the 10th date we were getting closer than we were on the 1st date.
It kind of felt like I was a time filler for him. Like if he didn't have anything better going on he would fit me in. That may not be at all what he felt was happening, it is just my perception. He was never mean to me. Also, when other guys have been into me they can't wait to talk to me or text me or see me. This was not the case and I learned something about myself in all of it. I learned that I am ready to share my life with someone if they seem to be a good fit and I would love to be included in their lives as well. I also learned that those little forms of communicating are a HUGE deal to me and they are a need that I have. Thoughtfulness is a big deal.
I am sorry that I don't see this guy anymore and that he didn't express more of an interest (it may have all been a miscommunication). I have not heard from him. However, I couldn't keep feeling like I couldn't or shouldn't share what I had inside of me. I love to be light and fluffy but I'm not a ditz. I have real thoughts and concerns and love to express them. I don't want a ring or a commitment or someone who fixes anything for me, I just want them to show an interest and to be there. Overall, this was a success in that I learned what I need and that I can be open to being with someone again! Yay!
We dated for about eight weeks I guess but then I had to end things. You may wonder why I would do this if I suspected that this was someone I wanted to share my highs and lows with. But, that was just the problem. I tried to show an interest in him in all things. In fact, I was genuinely interested and loved to hear what he had to say on just about anything and we laughed a lot. However, he never really asked about me and didn't seem to be interested in getting to know me. He continued to want to see me here and there but I don't think he cared to get beyond the surface layer of my life. There was never a "How was your day?" or "How are you doing?". On top of which I told him I had had ten day stretch of hell and all he said was "this too shall pass". Never inquiring as to what had gone on.
Now, for you men out there I should explain something. I didn't want to be an emotional vampire to this guy and I didn't need or want all of his time and/or attention. I just wanted some common courtesy in conversation style and to feel like on the 10th date we were getting closer than we were on the 1st date.
It kind of felt like I was a time filler for him. Like if he didn't have anything better going on he would fit me in. That may not be at all what he felt was happening, it is just my perception. He was never mean to me. Also, when other guys have been into me they can't wait to talk to me or text me or see me. This was not the case and I learned something about myself in all of it. I learned that I am ready to share my life with someone if they seem to be a good fit and I would love to be included in their lives as well. I also learned that those little forms of communicating are a HUGE deal to me and they are a need that I have. Thoughtfulness is a big deal.
I am sorry that I don't see this guy anymore and that he didn't express more of an interest (it may have all been a miscommunication). I have not heard from him. However, I couldn't keep feeling like I couldn't or shouldn't share what I had inside of me. I love to be light and fluffy but I'm not a ditz. I have real thoughts and concerns and love to express them. I don't want a ring or a commitment or someone who fixes anything for me, I just want them to show an interest and to be there. Overall, this was a success in that I learned what I need and that I can be open to being with someone again! Yay!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
The End
Whether you are ending a string of dates with someone and have chosen a new direction or you are ending a relationship of any kind, how do you go about it? Are you the person who just flat out says you are going to move on? Or are you the person who just stops talking, texting, emailing, or calling cold turkey to get your "hint" across?
I never realized until lately that I have a very strong opinion about this. I am the type of person who doesn't think there needs to be a big argument or a long drawn out process but I do think that if someone has invested time and effort with you that you owe them something. It doesn't matter what you called the relationship. It could have been a friend, it could have been a boyfriend or it could have been someone you have been on two dates with. The bottom line to me is that they deserve the common courtesy and respect of hearing you say you are just going to move on.
There are personalities that will avoid hard conversations at all costs. I don't like them but I see how much good can come of them. People need closure more often than not. And sometimes constructive criticism can be great. I had one guy who asked me why I didn't want to keep dating and I had to tell him point blank that he scared me because within two emails and a few texts he was talking about our future together and he hadn't even asked me out yet. Maybe he will take that information and just play it a little more cool with the next girl and he will have better luck.
My take is: If we never know what we did that turned someone off (it isn't always us, sometimes it is just NO chemistry or a lack of seeing a future there which is fine!) or what we could have done differently then we don't have a chance to improve ourselves. I want to date but I want to date to have a good time and to learn more about others and myself so that when Mr. Right does come along (which I am in no hurry for) then I am my best for him and I will know that I have dated enough to know that he really is it, not just someone to stay with so you aren't lonely. Being lonely is not a bad thing, it gives you time to get yourself together before someone new shows up.
I never realized until lately that I have a very strong opinion about this. I am the type of person who doesn't think there needs to be a big argument or a long drawn out process but I do think that if someone has invested time and effort with you that you owe them something. It doesn't matter what you called the relationship. It could have been a friend, it could have been a boyfriend or it could have been someone you have been on two dates with. The bottom line to me is that they deserve the common courtesy and respect of hearing you say you are just going to move on.
There are personalities that will avoid hard conversations at all costs. I don't like them but I see how much good can come of them. People need closure more often than not. And sometimes constructive criticism can be great. I had one guy who asked me why I didn't want to keep dating and I had to tell him point blank that he scared me because within two emails and a few texts he was talking about our future together and he hadn't even asked me out yet. Maybe he will take that information and just play it a little more cool with the next girl and he will have better luck.
My take is: If we never know what we did that turned someone off (it isn't always us, sometimes it is just NO chemistry or a lack of seeing a future there which is fine!) or what we could have done differently then we don't have a chance to improve ourselves. I want to date but I want to date to have a good time and to learn more about others and myself so that when Mr. Right does come along (which I am in no hurry for) then I am my best for him and I will know that I have dated enough to know that he really is it, not just someone to stay with so you aren't lonely. Being lonely is not a bad thing, it gives you time to get yourself together before someone new shows up.
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