Smug Marrieds

Strange title, I know.  I read it in someones Facebook post a bit ago and it got my wheels turning.

I have someone in my life that when they start dating someone new they tend to ignore family and some friends.  It isn't like this person ignores us because they are busy with their own family issues or other pressing matters, this person just lives in their own bubble and we all accept that but none of us likes it.  It isn't that this person is really trying to make the relationship work, this person just turns into a seventh grader.

The post on Facebook that I read was preaching to those who start dating someone new or are in a newer relationship and they stop socializing with friends and family.  While I think moderation is the key to most things in life I also know that new relationships do need a lot of nurturing and the new person in your life needs to know that you are focusing on them and making a great effort.  Most of us that have emotions like someone to dote on us a bit.  I will say that I have known someone so emotionally void that they didn't seem to want or appreciate anyone doting on them.  Moral of that story was that if he accepted your doting he would have had to return it and that was never gonna happen.  But, that's a whole other post so we will move on for now.

Here is the bottom line for me.  You don't have to be a "smug married" person.  But everyone around you should appreciate that if you have gotten to the point that you are married, you choosing to focus on that when necessary (even if that is for a time period that no one else understands) then you need to do what is right for you and your marriage, not for your friends and other people.  You have to live with your choices.  Hopefully those around you love you enough to understand that you aren't being "smug" at all.

I had a girlfriend one night preach to me about the importance of girl's night out and how disgruntled she was about a mutual friend who only did family stuff with her new love and their children.  Well, I understand feeling left behind but we all must grow up and at some point you need to realize that when you are single your friends are your center, that is natural.  But when you fall in love and there are kids involved and you want those kids to be stable, then your friends take a far backseat.  It is not easy finding a balance and it takes some people a long time to get there.  I stink at finding balance in almost every aspect of my life so I know how horrible it can be.

I don't think you need to choose between love and friends but I think that if you want your relationships to last and you want to create a solid family unit then you had better keep your butt at home and do the hard work.  No, it isn't all fun and glamorous - but it is the rewarding part of life and it is worth it.  Also, we all need to realize that our friends and family have different needs than we do and we are each individual.  Just because I may seem like a hermit to you doesn't mean that it is healthier for you to never be okay spending a night at home alone.  It takes all kinds and moderation is the key.  Good luck finding it!