I was supposed to do some web work for a guy who owns his own business. He opted out of having me do that work but then we became interested in each other so we agreed that we should see where it led. Sounded fine to me but I should have known that something was up because I was supposed to be in dating detox and caved.
In the beginning he was very thoughtful and kind and was always letting me know that he was thinking of me. Then, he didn't do what he said he would. Then, he was more and more busy during the evenings with his kids. He kept telling me he was just really close to his kids and that he tried to spend all the time in the world with them. For about a minute I believed that but then it smelled so fishy I couldn't keep putting on a smile.
Finally he admitted to me that he was married but said that he was separated. I believed this for 24 hours. As those 24 hours went on he was telling me how he would sometimes sleep at his wife's house so the kids had more time with him and how he tried to help them with their homework every single night. He even told me that he was living in a house down the street.
My gut was telling me this is a very married man who is actively married, not just legally wed. So finally, I just hit him with my thoughts. I wasn't trying to be hurtful but I am blunt because I don't think you should waste people's time. Come to find out he was playing house 24/7 and once in a while stayed at a house down the street from him that belongs to his mother-in-law. He claims he was never planning on meeting someone he wanted to be involved with until I came along. He also said it would hurt him too much to lose me.
Well, isn't that just sweet? Can you imagine how his wife would feel if she found out about all this. I found her on Facebook and her profile picture is still a family photo with him in it which tells me he is a slime ball. He claims that everyone who knows him thinks that if you aren't having sex with your spouse you are separated. I am not sure what land he lives in but until you live apart with the intent of becoming divorced - you are not separated. Get a brain! Good grief! On top of which, it is no one's business if you are having sex or not! Geez people! Please keep some things to yourself if only to appear classier than you are.
So, another few weeks of my life were wasted. But lesson learned. I will listen to my gut instead of trying to go along with someone in something that feels off. The odd thing is that he and I had been in contact for about two years so he was really good at hiding reality. I don't hide reality very well. He now knows very well how little respect I have for him. He asked what I would have him do and I told him to either act very married and do it with all his heart or get out.
For those out there that may suspect that a man that you are seeing is married (not separated, very married) here are a few warning signs:
1. He is very busy with vague things in the evening.
2. His phone is not answered or messages go unanswered during what would be "family time".
3. He gets defensive when you ask questions about how he and his wife handle juggling kids.
4. He tries to say that everything he does is for his children.
5. Your gut is telling you that something is just not adding up. It's because it is BAD!
Good luck ladies!
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