I have a girlfriend who is gorgeous, self sufficient and so much fun to be around. I love her to pieces and yet there is something that worries me beyond belief. In the space of about 10 weeks this girl has gone through three men that I know of. I should make it clear that these were not just dates but there was intimacy involved with each one. Judge if you like (yes, I do too), but she just needs to figure out what it is that she wants. I should explain.
Guy number one. He is good looking, clean cut (as in squeaky clean, no tattoos, no piercings, no mussy hair, nothing), gainfully employed . . . the full package. One night they are to meet up at a karaoke bar and she is there first with a group of friends. He comes in later than expected and instead of going right over to greet her for their date (yes, they were supposed to head out on a date at this point), he spends 30 minutes making the rounds socializing with everyone but her and then finally gives her some attention. Luckily she is not dumb enough to accept this kind of treatment. I swear there are people out there with no social graces at all. It is just astounding. He may have been right for her if only he had a brain about social skills.
Guy number two. Polar opposite. This guy by all appearances looks like an ex con. Yes, it is stereotypical of me because I haven't met him and he is probably a great guy with a good personality and he has probably never served time but he looks scary. There are few inches of his being that are not covered in tattoos. His hair is funky like he has to make another statement to society and from what I hear the piercings were extensive. His clothes are of the sort that say "Don't mess with me". This seemed odd to me compared to her last few guys and I just couldn't put the pieces together.
*I must note here that I DO NOT have an issue with tattoos or piercings but one would be ignorant to not address the stereotype that comes with that. It is no different than the ladies in my community who wear full length dresses with pants under them so as to be fully clothed and not go by the stereotype that they are in fact part of a certain polygamist group and not just expressing themselves. Certain looks go with certain types of people. I think society is starting to become more accepting of differences but stereotypes don't go away easily. There, you can think what you want now.
Guy number three. This guy is one I met this past week when a group of us went out together. We had a great time. He was nice enough and he wasn't a mooch, he was willing to pay for his own drinks. But I should note, he didn't offer to pay for anything for her which is a big indicator that he lacks chivalry. This guy was 100% granola. He almost looked like Jesus but hairier if that's possible. He is a skater "dude" who works in retail (no, not management and no he is not 19). I am sure this leaves a lot of hours for skating. At least he does have a job, I will give him that and I know I sound like an snob but I am making a point. The guy just looked like the type who doesn't believe in conventional hygiene practices. Still, you had to like him.
So, now to the real point. In about 10 weeks this girl has been all over the map. She is a lost soul. Why is it that people can't just be alone and still long enough to discover what it is that they like. As in the movie Runaway Bride, she has to go off and figure out how she likes her eggs instead of always ordering them the same as her significant other. People need to know who they are and what they are about before they can latch onto others. The sad thing here is that this last guy is really smitten and I know that he will be hurt when she has to close the door on things. And I know that she never intended it to last but she surely didn't let him know that because he acts like she is the one for him. It is so sad.
While I admire her for dating all kinds and trying new things, I know her and it is so obvious what will work for her. She needs someone who looks as classy and put together as she does and who knows what social graces to use at different times. I just wonder how she got to her age without ever realizing what it is that she wants and needs from someone so that it works and for the life of me I don't know why she is okay with the casualness of just being with someone for the sake of being with someone with no regard to how they may fall in love or what the damage left behind will be. I don't think she does it to hurt anyone and I don't think she is even aware that she is doing it. But as a bystander it is like watching a train wreck right before your very eyes.
In further news: March rocks!
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