Everyone has been there. You are charmed by someone you meet, you start to date. You think to yourself that this could be the person that makes me tick and makes me smile. And then BOOM! You discover that they don't have much in the way of emotional capacity. In my experience, this happens WAY to often and I have to admit that at times, I have even been this person.
No, I have not been this person on purpose. It was without me realizing it but in hindsight I can see that we are all capable of going through times where we are emotionally unavailable for varied reasons. However, there are some tell tale signs that someone is not emotionally ready for a relationship and it is good for all of us to know them so we can get out early and move on to greener pastures!
1. He (yes, it could be "she") seems full of potential and he gives you little bread crumbs of hope but he is so messed up in the head and self absorbed that there is really nothing behind it. These people are always the victims. Work isn't going good and they are the victim of injustice. Their past relationships failed but they never talk about the role they played in the breakdown. You know the drill. These guys love the thrill of the hunt when it comes to dating but once they think they have you, their interest is fading fast.
2. He is married or still not over his ex. By married, I mean actively living as though he is married to someone. And it is usually obvious when someone is not over an ex. You don't need this, move on.
3. You never know when you will hear from him again. This is the first sign of being truly non-committal and quite frankly it is rude and disrespectful. No matter what - you deserve better. It is only kind and decent to be a good communicator with all the luxuries we have with technology. And for the record, if he has a smart phone and you still don't know if or when you will hear from him, he is a jerk, move on.
4. You view it as a relationship but you are in denial of the fact that you are an option or a booty call and nothing more. Don't be in denial girls. If you rarely see someone in daylight you have a problem. Guys will have a million excuses as to why they are too busy to see you during the day no matter what day it is. Get a reality check and see him for what he is and how he is treating you. You are not a booty call and we have already posted about not being any one's "option".
5. He mentions his ex or exes often. This is a sure sign that he is clinging to the past.
6. You feel a big fat void after you have sex with him. Oh, this is such a bad sign. RUN!
7. If he doesn't seem eager to become part of your life then face facts - He just isn't that into you. When a guy is ready and available he can't get enough of you and he can't wait to be part of your life. This is natural and it is good. It is all part of the beginning stages of a budding romance.
8. He comes off as hot or cold. This is not normal and it is not acceptable. When you find a good guy you will find that he is consistent in his treatment of you, in his communication and you will feel like you are progressing. If not, you are wasting your precious time.
9. He can't seem to commit to anything. In my book, this is an actual deal breaker. Character is made up of being who you say you are and doing what you say you will do and following through on all things.
10. He is as emotional as a fish towards you. No one likes the dead fish syndrome. Get out. This does not mean you need a clingy guy who can't talk to you without crying but if a guys can't get real and have the real good conversations that make us tick then he isn't ready to be anything to you but a filler date.
11. He never calls you his girlfriend. If you have been dating for a while this should be a given and if you don't get introduced as a girlfriend then he doesn't think about one. Don't fool yourself, he won't change his mind in a few weeks or months. It will remain the same because you allow it to.
12. He comes on strong in the beginning, gets your attention and then POOF!, attention fades. Beware!!!
13. If he makes moves on you the first night you date or "hang out" and you can tell that he wants to sleep with you or does sleep with you, he is not into developing a relationship. He is there for one reason and once he gets it you can wave goodbye to his emotions.
Girls, there are plenty of great guys who want to treat you right and are willing to let go of their selfish lifestyles where they only think of themselves and include you in their lives. They will want to be in your life as well. Don't settle and don't get hasty. Just wait and when you least expect it, the guy will be there so keep you eyes open and don't be blind to the good guys around you. They are there, they just aren't always obvious. Or at least I hope so. ;)
Best wishes!
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